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Monday, January 16, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/16/2017

New TRUMP Mugs Just Arrived! (from China)

THE MAIN EVENT
  • Once again, Saturday Night Live mocked Trump, taking the piss out of his tragicomic press conference. And once again, Trump took to Twitter to fire back at SNL. It's the circle of our decaying culture's radioactive half-life.
  • Our old pal Sandro did a little digging in the New York Times archives and dug out the first article in that august institution ever to quote Donald Trump. It was in 1973, in a story about how the Trump organization engaged in racist practices. I think you'll find The Donald's early response to those claims unsurprising.
  • Civil rights legend John Lewis declared the Trump presidency illegitimate, which is something he also declared about Jim Crow, back in the day. Trump, being a racist sack of shit and incapable of controlling himself, took to Twitter and declared Lewis "all talk" before ordering him to tend to his failing Congressional district (which, for the record, is doing just fine). In the long run, with Lewis' substantial help, Jim Crow was defeated. Let's hope the same can one day be said about Trump.

A DEEPER DIVE
  • I realize it isn't easy, but try to forget all the salacious "piss party" stuff from that British intelligence dossier and focus on the fact that there appears to have been total cooperation between the Trump camp and Putin's government during his Presidential run, but we've got to try. Couple the fact that top Trump operatives were in contact with Russian officials with ongoing FBI investigations about that collusion, and how anyone can question those who say Trump's win was illegitimate is beyond me. He will forever be an asterisked President. 
  • Wow, Glenn Greenwald. What a disappointment. Up until a few days ago, I would have been willing to accept that he was suffering from some sort of leftier-than-thou, Hillary-is-the-Devil ideological blind spot. But recent comments (a lot of them, not just at the link) make me lean towards the possibility that there really might be something awful hidden away in the Kremlin's Greenwald dossier. To make him join Assange down at the rock bottom of the barrel, it had better be really bad... like, underage midget sheep S&M bad. Anything less would make him a coward.
  • Some folks built an anti-trolling bot that tracks and trolls anti-semites and other racists, and it's been reaping dividends on Twitter.
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. No matter what your political affiliation or ideological predisposition, Ta Naheesi Coates' My President Was Black, written for The Atlantic, is essential reading for every American and/or America-watcher.

2. In The New Statesman, John Simpson has penned an essay explaining how Putin has conned the world into believing that Russia is back in the superpower business. It's sharp and entertaining and well worth your time. 

3. This video from the Laughing Squid folks helps explain how entropy and complexity come together to create... everything, basically.


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"There’s a danger on the internet that you think you’re accomplishing something. So you see an article about a disease and retweet it and think ‘It’s cured now!’ And you’ve fooled yourself into thinking that you’ve done something productive."

- comedy juggernaut Judd Apatow sums up exactly how yer old pal Jerky's been feeling these last few days. Like, what's the fucking point of all this flailing about? Fucked if I know...

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 16th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.

THE TAKEAWAY

Hey, Glenn Greenwald! If it's kid stuff... why not just kill yourself? Life is cheap, after all.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/15/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • Charlie Brotman, the 89-year-old who has served as the official announcer for Presidential inauguration parades since first getting the job in 1957, was fired by email this week after the Trump camp decided to hand the job over to some absolute fucking nobody who also just happens to have been a Trump campaign volunteer. I guess that "trumps" having done the job for Ike, JFK, LBJ, Nixon, Carter, the Gipper, Poppy, Clinton, Dubya and Obama in Trump's New Model America.
  • Israel, apparently feeling left out of the fun in Syria, allegedly shot some missiles at a military base there. Nobody seems to know why.
  • A number of Democrats are choosing to emulate pretty much every entertainer of note by not attending President Electoral Donald Trump's inauguration on the 20th. At this point, considering all the traps poised to snap on The Donald in coming weeks and months (you heard it here first!), I think it's a pretty safe bet that boycotting this event will increase their standing among constituents and improve their chances in future elections.
A DEEPER DIVE
  • Well wouldja look at that? Seems Penthouse Magazine may be in possession of video confirmation of the Trump "Golden Showers" story. Glory glory, will wonders never cease?
  • Those helpful buggers over at TheEstablishment.co have put together a handy primer to inform you just exactly what the Republicans are doing to the Affordable Care Act against the wishes of the vast majority of those who understand what's going on, and a sizable plurality of those who don't.
  • The Wall of Tweets at the top of today's edition is a collection of President Electoral Trump's reactions to various individuals, media outlets and organizations who have made statements with which he disagrees, to various degrees. It is meant to illustrate how, to a greater and lesser degree, how he has historically reacted to dissent.
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. Over at the N+1 journal, Corey Robin asks a question you might never have thought to ask: What do Donald Trump and former President Jimmy Carter have in common? The answer to that question--and many more, all covered in this excellent essay--may surprise you! 

2. Hey, yer old pal Jerky doesn't want you to only be reading stuff that agrees 100 percent with your pre-conceived notions. And so in the spirit of keeping you on your intellectual toes, I present Ryan Cooper's essay from The Week, entitled This is How the American Republic Ends. And even though he name-drops currently radioactive leftier-than-thou ass-hat Glenn Greenwald, an analysis of Trump vs Clinton as a proxy war between the FBI and the CIA--and all the horrific potentialities such a situation would entail--is not wholly without merit. So go read it, but remember... Glenn Greenwald has recently been saying the kind of things that make me think he's either too locked in to his worldview to change it when the facts change, or else there's a folder full of Glenn Greenwald "kompromat" in the Kremlin someplace.

3. Three very weird, very Russia-related media "glitches" took place across American TV last week, and they've been collected in one concise and entertaining video by our pals over at The Majority Report, which has become appointment listening for yer old pal Jerky lately. So after you're done watching the video, below, why not head on over to Youtube and subscribe to their channel?


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"They're going to go on trying to de-legitimize the media, one by one, piece by piece, to make it impossible for anyone to try to get out critical news analysis about what his administration is doing. This was the first step, and it's going to keep getting worse. Trump bragged on the campaign trail that he could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and could shoot somebody and he wouldn't lose voters. Rhetorically speaking, that's what he basically did to Jim Acosta. He basically took him out in front of the entire press corps, humiliated him, pretty brutally, and other reporters just sort of moved along."

- In this excellent blog entry for Media Matters, entitled "In One Day, 17 Signs of How Bad Press Treatment Will Be Under Trump", analyst Matt Gertz dissects, point by point, Trump's first press conference since Summer of 2016. His forensic findings? Not good.

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 15th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.

THE TAKEAWAY

Finger still hurtin', so still comin' up short on content. Hope you guys can forgive, and will stick around for the meatier offerings currently in the pipeline!

Saturday, January 14, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/14/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • I burned the tip of my left index finger, so this is gonna be a short one. Every sentence brings waves of sweet agony, so yeah... please forgive me.
  • Christopher Steele, the awesome-moniker'd former MI6 spy who put together the infamous dossier detailing links between the Russians and the Trump campaign--as well as some of the Russians "kompromat" material on Trump--has gone into hiding
  • Democrats attending a confidential, behind closed doors intel briefing on FBI director Comey's recent decisions and behavior left that meeting officially freaked the fuck out, with some even going so far as to declare Comey "unfit to lead" the FBI, but unwilling to try and unseat him out of fear that whoever Trump chose to replace him would turn out to be far worse.
  • You may have heard how claims that Trump hired prostitutes to piss on a Moscow hotel bed where the Obamas had once slept originated as a 4Chan prank against "libtard SJWs" and that anyone who believes those claims is a victim of said prank. Yeah, sorry, but no. I mean, I realize it's hard to believe the same people that brought us PizzaGate are full of shit, but this increasingly appears to be the case.
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

Remember this awful, horrible, disgusting thing that an SJW Commie cuck snowflake oven-worthy libtard did that one time?


Guess what? Turns out it was an alt.right astroturf bullshit hoax.

***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"It is now perfectly plausible to believe that we are preparing to inaugurate a president so fundamentally a creature of a corrupt money power that even Russian kleptocrats believe his greed is his greatest weakness. (The salacious gossipy stuff aside, the wanderings of Trump confidantes like Paul Manafort and Carter Page through the thieves paradise on the Volga is the really dangerous element here. In fact, the salacious gossipy stuff is a kind of foul camouflage to what may be an unprecedented sellout of an American election.) It is now perfectly plausible to believe that the president-elect may, in the words of Bruce Springsteen, have debts no honest man can pay, and that he may owe them to a man who is a ruthless autocrat even by historical Russian standards, which are considerable"

- Writing about What Comes Next for Esquire Magazine, Charles Pierce makes some salient points.

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 12th, 13th or 14th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/11/2017


CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT?

Can you even imagine having enough hatred in your heart for anyone--much less Barrack and Michelle Obama--that you would feel the need to hire prostitutes to defile the bed where they once slept by pissing all over it?

To hate the Obamas--as inoffensive and admirable a couple as have ever served in public office--with that kind of bilious, quasi-Satanic intensity... that is what I mean when I refer to Trump as being unprecedented, as being a monster.

Trump is a monster. He's a fecal golem, his forehead adorned with the kabbalistic formula MAGA, fueled by the crackling malevolent battery at his core: a pitch-black Pulsar of pure hate, burning in the frozen vacuum where God forgot to put a soul.

And he is days away from becoming the most powerful man in the world.

A DEEPER DIVE
  • After being found guilty of murdering nine worshipers at South Carolina's Emanuel AME church, Dylann Roof has been sentenced to death. After having taken the time to listen to his entire 2 hour FBI confession tape, I can tell you one thing: The ONLY thing differentiating Roof from the vast majority of Far Right Trumpnik Redhats is that he carried through on his beliefs. More on this soon.
  • Journalists present for Trump's Wednesday press conference--his first since July--want everyone to know that they weren't clapping at his pronouncements and laughing at his jokes. Those noises were literally being made by paid Trump staffers. I guess Trump learned a valuable lesson from Jeb!'s "Please clap" moment.
  • My Twitter crush Elliott Lusztig says that he thinks the next ten days will be "as crucial to American history as the famous Thirteen Days of October 1962", and you know what? I think he's right.
DON'T BELIEVE YOUR LYIN' EYES

Did you know that some alt-right media whores are trying to float the notion that Trump wasn't actually mocking journalist Serge Kovalevski in that infamous moment from his campaign?

Check out this video by noted Nazi fanboy and Canadian welfare-case-cum-conservative-clickbait-cunt Gavin MacInnes on the subject...


Considering the ridiculous bullshit these Trumpnik Redhats are ready to believe about anyone they dislike, the idea that they think Trump wasn't mocking Kovalevski is pretty fucking rich. What do they think Trump meant when he said: "the poor guy — you’ve got to see this guy"?

I shouldn't have to say this, but the fact that Trump has wiggled his arms in the past does NOT mean that he wasn't mocking Kovalevski.

By the way, this all neatly skates around the real issue here, which is the fact that Trump fucking LIED about what Kovalevski said re: his article "supporting" Trump's retarded assertion that he watched thousands of Jihadis celebrating 9/11 on New Jersey rooftops! Again and again he's repeated this bullshit! 

But whatever. Let's get bogged down in semantics and microscopic, mock-forensic detail, so the big picture always gets lost in the shuffle. It seems to be what we're best

TWEET OF THE WEEK!
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

Only one suggested "reading" (in the purely semiotic sense) for today, and it's this abbreviated version of a 1958 episode from the Western TV series "Trackdown", in which a con-man named Trump comes to town and warns the people that the world will be destroyed, and he's the only one who can stop it, by building a wall!


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"And so rock bottom became the solid foundation upon which I rebuilt my life."

- Harry Potter author J.K Rowling, as quoted by MMA fighter Ronda Rousey, who posted the above quote on her Instagram page, apparently deaf to the irony inherent in the fact that Rowling didn't write the above until AFTER she'd done the hard work of re-building her life.

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 11th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.

THE TAKEAWAY

Curiouser and curiouser, these interesting times in which we find ourselves embroiled...

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/10/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • "Poetic cadence"? "Soft sensuality"? SOFT FUCKING SENSUALITY?!?!
  • Mainstream media continues its ridiculous wall-to-wall 24/7 coverage of Meryl Streep's Golden Globes comments, while the conservative movement's right-wing propaganda outlets continue to libel and defame her in an attempt to strip her of her hard-won reputation. All this as it emerges that Russian military intelligence is likely in possession of video footage of President Electoral Donald J. Trump hiring prostitutes to piss all over a Moscow hotel room where the Obama family once slept... among other potentially devastating revelations.
  • Meanwhile, members of the Senate Intelligence Committee are urging FBI director Comey to reveal what that agency knows about Trump's ties to Russia and/or Russian organizations. Despite seeing fit to derail Hillary Clinton's Presidential campaign at the 11th hour over what turned out to be a big fat NOTHING, Comey's response to the Committee amounts to, in essence: "I don'wanna! Pfffft!"
  • In any case, we should all keep our fingers crossed... if even a quarter of the revelations in this devastating intel dossier turn out to be true, we might not have to endure America's national nightmare for very much longer, after all.
A DEEPER DIVE

***
DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 10th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.
  • Earlier today, we ran a fun story about FOX News' attempt to make it seem as though there is great dissent among celebrities about Meryl Streep's Golden Globes comments by quoting a porn star, a racist Country Western novelty act, and a college football player.

THE TAKEAWAY

Working on an information-packed graphic interface with everything you need to know about Trump's shitty cabinet picks, so check back often!

FOX NEWS MELTDOWN OVER MERYL STREEP'S GG COMMENTS

screen grab of FOX News article on Streep comment

In the ongoing right-wing meltdown over Meryl Streep's Golden Globe comments about her disgust over Trump's mocking of disabled New York Times scribe Serge Kovalevski, FOX News continues to provide the most entertaining fare.

Take, for instance, today's article, titled "Stars Sick of Their Fellow Entertainers' Political Rants". Let's see which stars they're referring to, exactly.

Okay, so first up, they've got country music star Travis Tritt, who took to Twitter to write: "If you have fans who respect your talent enough to spend hard earned money to see your talent, be thankful and gracious and leave it at that." Well, okay Mr Tritt, but if you really meant what you wrote, why even bother bringing it up? I mean, if celebrity opinions don't merit sharing, wouldn't that apply to yours, too?

Anyway, who's next on FOX's cavalcade of Streep-dissin' celebs? Ah! It's former CNN host and current... sort of rich British guy who occasionally appears in The National Enquirer, Piers Morgan!

Wow. That's a pretty steep drop from Travis Tritt. So who's next?

Why, it's none other than everybody's favorite washed-up, pill-popping, hardcore porn star, Jenna Jameson! The former double-penetration/deep throat gag queen took a break from writing creepy mash notes to Benjamin Netenyahu in order to make her feelings known by Tweeting: "Please someone mute Meryl Streep".

I guess all those years spent being a human punching bag for MMA star Tito Ortiz took a toll on her cognitive functions. So who's next?

Right. Charlie Daniels. Of course.

And finally, FOX wraps things up with "outspoken college football player" Jack Murphy's speculation about the possibility that maybe Vince Vaughan and Mel Gibson also didn't much care for what Streep had to say, based solely on their reactions.

Nice buncha folks, these celebrity Redhats, you must admit!

And anyway, who cares what Meryl Streep says about Trump?

I mean, aside from the hundreds of newspapers and thousands of websites that have reported on her comments--and the continuing, ongoing reactions to her comments, both pro and con--non-stop, for the past 48 hours and counting?

Are you not entertained?

Monday, January 9, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/09/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • Get ready for the biggest shit-show since election night as a whole bunch of Trump's cabinet picks are about to be subjected to some degree of scrutiny during Senate confirmation hearings. More details about this sickening confederacy of kleptocrats, coming soon!
  • Meanwhile, in the UK, the ongoing Brexit debacle continues to wreak havoc, and how are the right-wingers over there reacting to the unavoidable consequences of their own little Trump Lite race-based mini-tantrum? Why, by BLAMING THE MEDIA, of course! Because of course they would.
A DEEPER DIVE
  • At the Golden Globes award show on Sunday, a handful of entertainment industry professionals decided to use the media attention afforded them as a platform to express their thoughts about the ongoing state of the union, thus triggering a near endless supply of tantrums from the whiny, reactionary crybullies of the Far Right Mediasphere. You know, I always find it ironic when self-described "conservative" pundits--people whose entire job consists of having and expressing an opinion--try to say that everyone else should keep their opinions to themselves. 
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. This Politico feature article, sub-titled "How an 89-year-old Cold Warrior became America's Nuclear Conscience", is absolutely hair-raising, beginning as it does:
At this naked moment in the American experiment, when many people perceive civilization on the verge of blowing up in some metaphorical sense, there is an elderly man in California hoping to seize your attention about another possibility. 
It is that civilization is on the verge of blowing up in a non-metaphorical sense.
William J. Perry is 89 now, at the tail end of one of his generation’s most illustrious careers in national security. By all rights, the former U.S. secretary of Defense, a trained mathematician who served or advised nearly every administration since Eisenhower, should be filling out the remainder of his years in quiet reflection on his achievements. 
Instead, he has set out on an urgent pilgrimage. Bill Perry has become, he says with a rueful smile, “a prophet of doom.”
Read it. Just do it. And pass it along to people whom you deem worthy.

2. Within the very title of his righteously indignant and meticulously argued Mother Jones essay, Kevin Drum rips apart a recent Los Angeles Times editorial. He goes through the article, line by line, and mercilessly dissects it, simultaneously asking, then answering, the following question: "Did Putin Swing the Election to Trump?" His answer? "Of Course He Did." I love this kind of thing, where someone rebuts another person's writing in a thorough and methodical way, taking apart flawed or misleading arguments, piece by piece, exposing the bullshit. I think my own most successful attempt at writing something like Drum's piece was my response to the Washington Post's Richard Cohen's ridiculous attack on Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11, which I called "Requiem for a Self-Loathing Liberal". It is still among my favorite pieces of my own writing. 

3. The band Shytegeist has released its first video, It's called "I am Waiting." Words are by Lawrence Ferlinghetti, and is read by Matt Aston. There's a lot of hard-hitting celebrity talent joining in. Enjoy.


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"I suppose I'll be able to say that I won at the last ever Golden Globes. I don't mean to be gloomy, it's just that it has the words Hollywood, foreign and press in the title."

- Meryl Streep got all the media attention, but the funniest comment of last night's Golden Globes, in yer old pal Jerky's opinion, came from international treasure Hugh Laurie, who put his British wit to good use while accepting the trophy for Best Supporting Actor in a TV Movie or Limited Series for "The Night Manager", which I hear is pretty good.

DDD EXTRAS
  1. If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 9th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.
  2. A "hilarious" misunderstanding involving a conservative who fought tooth and nail against Obamacare because he thought it was messing with his beloved Affordable Care Act. Beautiful irony, man... just beautiful.
  3. A guest editorial by Daily Dirt veteran contributor A.C. Doyle serves as a fitting farewell and a nice tribute to the One Democrat Who's Got a Reason to Look Forward to the Inauguration.

THE TAKEAWAY

The credibility crisis has reached critical mass. Solutions?

GOP BS ABOUT ACA LEADS TO SNAFU FOR POS


Saturday, January 7, 2017

ONE DEMOCRAT WHO'S GOT A REASON TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE INAUGURATION

a guest editorial by A.C. Doyle

Shine on me sunshine, walk with me world, it’s a skippidy-doo-dah day,
I’m the happiest girl, in the whole U.S.A.
Donna Fargo sang that in March of 1972. Forty-five years later, at about 9:15 AM EST, on Friday, January 20th, there’ll be another young American woman feeling that exact same way. Her name is Malia Ann Obama.

She’ll be in the middle of her “Gap Year”. And nobody will care. Bill O’Reilly won’t take her to task for being a lazy no-account monkey child. Sean Hannity won’t make fun of her muscular arms. Rush Limbaugh won’t call her a slut who should be holding an aspirin between her slutty knees to keep them slutty shut. Ann Coulter won’t call her ugly. And Glenn Beck won’t complain that her donated dress cost the mythical taxpayer $20,000.

And then she’ll matriculate at Harvard, when the leaves start to turn. Her uncle Craig was the coach of Division I Oregon State, and taught her some nifty footwork in the paint. She might play varsity hoops as a freshman. She’s also a talented tennis player, volleyballer, and dancer. With both English and Math SATs north of 700. By way of comparison, Dubya got into Yale with under 1100 combined, and Al Gore got into Harvard by barely breaking 1100. So any whisper of her not deserving her admission is flat-out racism, and nothing but. This young woman could kick Tricia Nixon’s, Amy Carter’s, Chelsea Clinton’s, and Caroline Kennedy’s ass, from court to classroom!

And give Jenna and Barbara Bush some substance abuse counseling. Which segues us nicely to cocaine and abortions.

Has there ever been a teenage girl under such scrutiny? Not since Joan of Arc, perhaps, or Miley Cyrus.  In this age of social media, with privacy-negating services like Instagram and SnapChat, the President's many detractors have had eight years to "catch" Malia. 

Doing a bonghit, sipping a beer, smoking a Newport, kissing a white boy, kissing a black boy, heaven forefend kissing a Latino boy, barfing, having a snooger in her nostril, squatting to pee, putting on deodorant, showing camel-toe through her dance leotard, having sweat stains on her armpits, chewing with her mouth open, falling on a patch of ice, having melted ice cream on her chin that looks like sperm, being six pounds overweight, having zits, saying something catty under her breath, saying “niggah”, dancing to a vulgar rap song, bossing her roommate around, losing at chess – seriously, you name it. The slightest indiscretion or embarrassing moment would have been splashed all over the Internet, with 18 million views and 35,000 virulently racist comments, in a busy eight or ten hours.

And what has the press chosen to pounce on?

Well, you all must remember that terrible scandal when her class at Sidwell Friends Academy had a trip to Mexico. Yes, THAT Mexico. The one to our south. By law, Secret Service agents had to accompany her, and they did. And do you know what happened? Someone had to pay their salary while they were doing their job. And the Unites States government did just that. Shocking, I know.

And then some designers donated dresses to Malia. For state events. They were proud to do so, and she looked lovely. And no taxpayer paid one ten thousandth of a cent. But it was still a scandal, and the Obama family were clearly freeloading on poor Ralph Lauren or Donna Karan.

And? And??? AND?!?!?!?!?!?!? 

Crickets. The teenage girl went to Mexico once, and she wore some pretty dresses now and again. That’s the very worst that the rabid FOX Media Machine and its even loonier satellites--like Breitbart, Newsmax, WND and The Blaze--were able to come up with. Over eight years.

So, quick show of hands, who wants their kids to be more like Malia Obama? As opposed to…ohhh… let's say, Eric Trump? Although I must say, spending the majority of the funds raised by your "cancer charity" to boost your Dad’s failing businesses is truly an impressive display of generosity. Filial piety writ large.

But as of Friday night, January 20th, 2017, Malia Ann Obama can go get herself a 'scrip for the Pill, make out with a handsome Mexican boy, spark up a fat doober and take a few swigs of Jack Daniels, dance crotch to crotch, offer up opinions as to why white people suck, say "fuck" and "shit" and tell a few racy jokes, elbow the young woman guarding her on the basketball court, blast Kanye or Jay-Z on her stereo, wear something cut low, or too tight, or just really comfortable and frumpy, and just be a fun smart strong beautiful young woman.

And if L’Oreal or CoverGirl wants to give her a million-dollar contract, it will be the best million they ever spent.

I’m happy for her. 

Malia Obama, when seen in its proper context, this inauguration will be tailor-made, just for you. Enjoy it, and all the new freedom you'll have.

***
A.C. Doyle is a raconteur, bistro cook, travel writer, epidemiologist, and erstwhile healthcare technology guru. Born into a sprawling Irish family in New England's toughest city, the boxing Mecca of Brockton. MA, where the police deal the best cocaine and the high school installed the county's first metal detectors, he snuck off to the country's toniest educational institutions, where he developed a deep abiding fear of trust funds and Episcopalians. He has traveled to over eighty countries, been jailed for smuggling at the Texas border, expelled from the country of Belgium, and currently works in a bistro 8500 feet up in La Sierra Gorda. The common thread running through his many failed romances is his annoying behavior. He currently serves as catnip for fat, mustachioed, middle-aged women on Mexican Match.com. He also gets along well with children, dogs, drunkards, and fools.

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/07/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • The Electoral College has now finally made it officially, officially, official: Donald Trump "won" the election. When a small number of Democratic House Members, in response to a scathing bipartisan investigation that found at least 50 Trump electors voted illegally, attempted to enter their objections into the public record, the Republicans cut off their microphones. Expect a lot more of this.
  • You should also expect a lot more things like what happened after Trump's intel briefing on Friday about how Russia helped get him elected. After spending most of this week crowing that he knew something others didn't, now the only thing he wants to know is how come somebody at NBC might have known something he didn't know before he even got a chance to know it! It's all so confusing... only it's not. It's actually really fucking simple. And obvious. And potentially catastrophic. Also, see our Quote of the Day for more irresponsible speculation on my part.
  • A US military veteran apparently opened fire at an airport in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, killing five and wounding eight before being shot, then taken alive, by police. Others were wounded in the ensuing chaos, which lasted for hours. Not to be dismissive or cynical or anything but to be perfectly honest? Big fuckin' whoop.
  • Apparently Americans are going to have to pay for "that fucking wall" after all. 
A DEEPER DIVE
  • We had a brief DDD update earlier today about how Julian Assange and WikiLeaks have revealed themselves to be utterly lacking in both credibility and honor when it comes to Trump and Putin.
  • By the way, the Russia/WikiLeaks connection began long before the 2016 election,
  • Conservatism as Serious Mental Illness, Exhibit #534,510: Dan Close, the Dewey, Oklahoma high school history teacher who has spent the last few years publicly calling for a genocide against Muslims, spouting and inciting hatred against LGBTQ people and damning them to Hell, alleging President Obama is a secret Muslim, and accusing First Lady Michelle Obama of secretly being a man in drag. Yeah, I know... "shaming culture" can have shitty unintended consequences. But surely everyone can agree that someone publicly professing beliefs like these should not be allowed to teach history to children? Click on the link and look in his eyes. This fucker is a danger to himself and others, PERIOD.
***
A SINGLE CONTRAST CAN REVEAL A LOT ABOUT CHARACTER


***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. I won't even pretend to understand most of what Paul Schmelzing says about how bond market trends might indicate a looming fiscal disaster in his essay, Venetians, Volcker, and Value-At-Risk: 88 Years of Bond Market Reversals, but some very smart people tell me it's pretty great, and maybe important. So yer old pal Jerky is going to take their word for it, and pass the savi- I mean the wisdom, along to you!

2. In case you weren't sufficiently disgusted by all of the above, here's a heart-warming little piece of investigative journalism looking into the increasingly popular practice of locking up the children of parents who are financially incapable of paying fines levied against them in the juvenile court system. Yes, that's right... America now has debtor's prison. For kids. SMHFMLSPSMITGDF.

3. Our old pal Keith Olbermann has a calm, collected, measured message for any of his fellow American citizens who may have cast their vote for Trump for some reason, and it's about what it feels like to realize when you're wrong about someone, and what it takes to prepare for that eventuality. It's actually kind of thoughtful and nice.

***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"While Russia, China, other countries, outside groups and people are consistently trying to break through the cyber infrastructure of our governmental institutions, businesses and organizations including the Democratic National Committee, there was absolutely no effect on the outcome of the election including the fact that there was no tampering whatsoever with voting machines."

- This part of Donald Trump's reaction to Friday's intel briefing feels like the part in the movie where everybody slowly looks at each other, their eyes growing wide, as someone says out loud what everyone is already thinking: "Hold on... WE never said anything about voting machines..." And Trump, realizing what he's just done, stands frozen with an invisible cock in his mouth--as he is oft wont to do--praying nobody starts looking too closely at recent financial transactions made by certain election supervisors working in Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Florida, and North Carolina this past November.

DDD EXTRAS

If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on this day in history, whether it's on Friday the 6th, Saturday the 7th or Sunday the 8th of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog

THE TAKEAWAY

The shit is flying fast and thick right now in this, the lead-up to what may ultimately prove to be the most disastrous work-week in modern American history. It's getting very tough to stay on top of everything.

PS - Send any messages, requests for advice, hate mail and other stuff to jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com. I'll be reinstating ASK JERKY and the FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE in the next few days.

Friday, January 6, 2017

JULIAN ASSANGE AND WIKILEAKS - NO MORE ROOM FOR DEBATE


Well, well, well... It's beginning to look like we happy few who've never trusted Julian Assange--no matter whose cock he was sucking or whose back he was stabbing at any given time--have proven to be a rather wise and prescient cohort. Just look at what that petulant little slug-weasel and his activist-org-cum-personality-cult WikiLeaks apparently have planned for anyone who dares question their motives, or even just say anything bad about their apparent new co-CEO, the Lord God Trump. 


Really, Julian? This is how you react to being exposed as a shill for Russia's murderous Putin regime? By threatening to make it even easier for an army of chaos-sowing, hate-mongering Redhat Trumpniks to make their lives a living hell?

I guess now we finally know, for definite sure, exactly what we're dealing with, here. So thanks for clarity, Julian. And enjoy your eventual comeuppance, which I'm pretty sure is going to go down a little something like this:

 

Thursday, January 5, 2017

TWO NEW TWEET STORMS BY @ezlusztig

I've made no secret of my man-crush for One Man Twitter Blizzard Elliott Lusztig. The man wields his Twitter account like a surgeon wielding a scalpel. It truly is a thing of beauty to behold, particularly on days like today, when he comes up with two fantastic threads full of information and ideas to get you thinking in new ways about things. Like for instance, in this first Tweet-storm, where he manages to focus in on something that I have yet to see addressed as clearly and succinctly as he's done, here:
  1. The willingness of the GOP to abandon the free market in the face of a revolt of the growing white underclass is profoundly revealing.
  2. In some ways it's the most important thing to happen in 2016. For years liberals decried the racism in ostensibly race-neutral policies.
  3. What does the free market have to do with racism, conservatives asked. The free market is about creating wealth and efficiency.
  4. But now that the free market isn't working so well for white Americans, Republicans are suddenly sounding like anti-market protectionists
  5. The only conclusion to draw is that GOP commitment to the free market was always mainly about protecting interests of a white overclass.
  6. So many GOP social & econ policies of that past three decades have had their roots in implicit racism. Free trade is one of them clearly.
  7. 2016 was revolt of white Americans against aspects of globalization previously suffered mainly by minorities.
  8. The deeper meaning of Trump is that, if the free market comes into conflict w/the class interests of white people - goodbye free market.
  9. A gesture toward a Marxist interpretation of the 2016 election that is surprisingly plausible in broad outline.
See what I mean? It's not that I agree 100% with his interpretation necessarily--not sure I understand, for instance, precisely how free trade is inherently "racist", for example--but there's an intriguing idea there, worthy of further exploration by academics and journalists.

Meanwhile, when iut comes to today's second Tweet-storm, yer old pal Jerky is completely on board...
  1. This article is not so much wrong as wrong-headed. Trump is Fascism Lite, maybe, but still fascist.
  2. Berman's 1st criterion: Fascists were nationalists. Trump meets that easily. Not in Mussolini's sense, but unquestionably.
  3. 2nd criterion: Fascists have "a deep suspicion of capitalism." Trump's attack on capitalism is deeper than is being reported - much more.
  4. Fascism is anti-democratic. So is Trump. My god, how could there be any doubt about that by now?
  5. And last: Fascists embrace violence. Trump is a man who offered to pay the legal fees of someone who sucker-punched a protester.
  6. Trump is not Mussolini because America 2016 is not Italy 1930s. It's less the character of the movement than the nature of the times.
  7. Trumpian Fascism can only get away with so much in a peaceful America at 5% unemployment. Trump is not Hitler because we are not Germany.
  8. If you don't think Trump would put Muslims in concentration camps if we let him: Watch this video.

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/05/1017


THE MAIN EVENTS
  • In the case of whether or not Russia was involved in either the hacking of, or the subsequent management of the use of, confidential communication from the DNC, Trump is choosing to believe an Australo-Swedish sex crime fugitive over the guys who found and killed Osama bin Laden. Because Hannity. It's going to be an interesting couple of years leading up to impeachment, you can be sure of that.
  • After their attempts to hobble the Office for Congressional Ethics suffered a sure-to-be temporary setback, House Republicans have now set their sites on dismantling the Affordable Care Act, even as another million Americans--including many who had no idea that "Obamacare" and "the Affordable Care Act" are one and the same--sign up for it.
  • The New York Police Department has released statistics showing that last year was the safest their city had been in decades. How long do you think before Trump tries to take credit for that accomplishment, too?
A DEEPER DIVE
  • If you were in Trump's shoes, how would you go about trying to shake long held suspicions that your business endeavors have intimate ties to organized crime? How about ringing in the New Year with convicted felon (and associate of deceased mob boss John Gotti) Joey "No Socks" Cinque by your side? Yeah... that oughta clear the air.
  • It's still early in the month, so maybe you haven't hit your New York Times paywall yet. With that in mind, here's a link to an in-depth investigation into how Putin's Russia has networked with and emboldened a rising Far Right in Europe. Considering Russia's history, the idea of them siding with Nazis is both baffling and horrifying.
  • The above graphic is a little bit of nonsensical comedy yer old pal Jerky whipped up a few years back for the Daily Dirt. I basically swiped one of those paper place mats from my local Chinese buffet, scanned it, and came up with some new cocktail names and recipes. Hard to imagine they used to pay me to come up with this shit, ain't it? Anyhoo, if you're having trouble reading the text, just click on the image to enlarge it.
SUGGESTED READINGS

1. Green's Dictionary of Slang is the impressive culmination of over a decade of research leading to the creation of a gorgeous (and expensive) three volume set covering "500 years of the vulgar tongue". The dictionary is an attractive three-volume, hard-bound set. But it comes at a price. $264 for a used edition. $600 for a new one. But guess what? The entire contents of the book have been made available online by the publisher, completely free of charge! Whether you're a student or a writer doing research or just someone fascinated by language, this is an incredible resource that you'd be a fool not to bookmark and check back with on a semi-regular basis. They even have a podcast! Which makes me think... Hmmm...

2. The Toronto Star's oddly moniker'd Vinay Menon has written an excellent op-ed piece about FOX News' Bill O'Reilly's reaction to the entertainment industry's all but unanimous decision to stay away from Trump's inauguration. It begins, in part:
After the year we just had, if you were hoping for at least one week of cultural détente, a slivered reprieve from the tribal warfare on cable news, the Fox News host was having none of it. His reactionary rage is immune to calendar change. ...  He wished his viewers a perfunctory “Happy New Year” with the grimacing smile of a man who just banged his funny bone while overreacting to a knock-knock joke. Then he got down to business: “Donald Trump’s inauguration.” 
“There are wide reports that many entertainers are frightened to perform at the inaugural festivities on January 20th,” said O’Reilly, striking a tone between Walter Cronkite and Ron Burgundy. “Hard to pin down, but the roster of performers today is scant.” 
Indeed. The roster is so laughably scant, it would fail to impress guests at a high-end Bar Mitzvah. It so far includes “some of The Rockettes,” “the Mormon Tabernacle Choir” and “Jackie Evancho of America’s Got Talent,” said O’Reilly, stumbling over that last name like his teleprompter was suddenly transmitting in hieroglyphics. 
He added the Beach Boys and Alabama to the “unconfirmed” side of the festivities before repeating his unconfirmed thesis: “Also, not confirmed are some entertainers who reportedly believe if they show up at the inauguration, it will hurt their careers.” 
Then came this: “The harsh truth is that there is reverse McCarthyism going on in the entertainment industry. Remember that in the 1950s, Wisconsin Senator Joseph McCarthy started accusing people in Hollywood of being communist. That led to a black list where people were not hired because McCarthy smeared them. It seems anti-Trump zealots may be doing the same thing.” 
An unsubstantiated charge of “reverse McCarthyism.” This is the kind of year it will be for Hollywood, which along with academia, has long been a bête noire for conservatives. The difference now is that Trump’s water carriers, like O’Reilly, are acutely aware the president-elect is obsessed with the ebb and flow of entertainment around his exalted name.
Menon's editorial gets even better, going into hilarious detail about O'Reilly's post-monologue exchange with crusty neocon fossil Charles Krauthammer, which didn't quite go the way O'Reilly was expecting, to put it mildly. Something Menon was too polite to mention, however, is that O'Reilly was stinking drunk. Or is yer old pal Jerky seeing things? Here's video of O'Reilly's rant. Drunk or sober? YOU decide!


3. Which brings us to our old pal, Keith Olbermann. Yes, he can be extreme. And yes, he's obviously angry, and indignant, and even a little bit out of his mind at this point. And I know a lot of people on "our side" tend to think "WE don't want to be like FOX News!" Right? Because what did that ever get the Bad Guys, other than an unobstructed 8-year rampage of corruption, cronyism, and being lied into collusion with war crimes under Preznit Dubya, followed by an 8-year rampage of obstruction and race-based invective against an all-too-gentlemanly Democratic President, followed by the conservative movement's absolute NADIR in the form of Trump?  So you know what? Maybe we need a few more extreme, angry, indignant voices like Keith Olbermann's if the USA has got any hope of coming out on the other side of this horrific national experiment in chaos theory in one piece. Plus, he's fun to watch! 

***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"He will never be my president because he doesn't read books, can't write more than a sentence or two at a time, has no strong loyalties beyond himself, is more insular than any New Yorker I ever knew, and because I don't see anything admirable or honorable about him. The disaffected white blue-collar workers elected a Fifth Avenue tycoon to rescue them from the elitists -- fine, I get that -- but they could've chosen a better tycoon. One who served in the military or attends church or reads history, loves opera, sails a boat -- something -- anything -- raises llamas, plays the oboe, runs a 5K race now and then, has close friends from childhood. I look at him and there's nothing there."

- Gotta love Garrison Keillor, the Minnesota Madman who just can't help but speak his truth.

***
DDD EXTRAS
  • If you're interested in finding out what kinds of weird crap happened on this day in history, echoing down through the ages, then check in with the DDD's sister-site, the Useless Eater Blog, every day, for an update! Coming soon: Book reviews and breakdowns covering the latest and greatest in conspiracy theory, secret society, and parapolitical writing! Keep your eyes peeled!
THE TAKEAWAY

Be sure to check out all the links in today's edition... There's gold in them thar links!

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/04/2017


THE MAIN EVENTS
  • Megyn Kelly, as vile and rancid a creature to ever slither through the journalistic slime-bogs of FOX News, is moving to NBC, where she will no doubt continue to do what she's always done best: be easy on the eyes while feeding her geriatric fan base racist provocation and other assorted lies. Either that, or she will attempt a "pivot" of sorts. Prediction? After a brief, white-hot ascendancy, she will ultimately crash and burn in spectacular fashion. Anyway, you can watch this truly evil cunt wave bye-bye if you so wish.
  • Looks like the House Republicans may have been shamed into holding off on their attempts to gut the Office of Congressional Ethics. And no, Trump's tweet had nothing to do with it.
  • Again, you can get all this and more from the New York Times' really quite excellent and free Daily Briefing, which can be sent directly to your email every day, five days a week, if you want it.
A DEEPER DIVE
  • Oh! Hey! What do you know... Trump managed to find a spot for Omarosa at the White House! I wonder if her job will have anything to do with continually updating that enemies list she blabbed about during the campaign? Time will tell.
  • Still apparently angling for either a pardon or maybe even a cabinet position from Trump, Swedish rapist and Russian disinformation vector Julian Assange spent the bulk of his interview with FOX News shit-for-brains Sean Hannity sucking Trump's dick, throwing shade at President Obama, and insisting that Vladimir Putin didn't have nuthin' to do with hackin' no e-mails! No suh! President Obama, you've got 15 days. Trade Ecuador a couple jets for this asshole, then throw him in Gitmo and let the families of slain Russian journalists take turns waterboarding him.
SUGGESTED READINGS

1. Where do you stand in the debate about the respective merits of the giant encyclopedic world-building novel versus the slim prestige novel? This essay about The Stockholm Syndrome Theory of Long Novels makes a few intriguing points in each's favor.

2. One of the most disgusting trends on the anti-SJW/alt.right web has been the coordinated attempt to suggest that all the vandalism, verbal assaults and physical assaults by newly empowered Trumpnik goons was all, or mostly, faked, false claims. Unfortunately, the wave of hate that swept Trump into the White House also led to some real-world violence, regardless of what that pretty lady said on Youtube. This thorough and detailed report from the Southern Povery Law Center details 867 such incidents, many caught on video and determined not to be hoaxes by the relevant authorities, in just the ten days after November's election.

3. The Future of Jihadism in Europe: A Pessimistic View. Abstract: "This article presents a ten-year forecast for jihadism in Europe. Despite reaching historically high levels in recent years, violent Islamist activity in Europe may increase further over the long term due to four macro-trends: 1) expected growth in the number of economically underperforming Muslim youth, 2) expected growth in the number of available jihadi entrepreneurs, 3) persistent conflict in the Muslim world, and 4) continued operational freedom for clandestine actors on the Internet. Over the next decade, the jihadi attack plot frequency in Europe may follow a fluctuating curve with progressively higher peaks. Many things can undercut the trends and lead to a less ominous outcome, but the scenario is sufficiently likely to merit attention from policymakers." Not saying I agree with everything in this paper, but I still think it's an important read for anyone concerned about Europe in the near term.

***
TWEET OF THE DAY

"It's usually a bad sign when the ruler of your country lives in a tower named after himself."

- Baltimore transgender activist Contra made me laugh out loud,
so she's getting the first-ever Daily Dirt Diaspora Tweet of the Day!

DDD EXTRAS
THE TAKEAWAY

I guess I'll stick around for a bit. Still, y'all should subscribe to the New York Times Daily Briefing. Check the link above. Also, you should listen to the daily report from Brad Blog, and I always put on The Majority Report when it's on. It makes excellent background chatter.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/03/2017


THE MAIN EVENTS
  • North Korea claims to be ready to test their first intercontinental ballistic missile. Trump Tweets that it will never happen, no thanks to China. China leans back with its arms folded over its chest, and smiles. What a show!
  • It's probably just a coincidence that many of the Congressional Republicans who held a secret vote to gut the Office of Congressional Ethics also happened to be under investigation by that selfsame body, right? I'm sure their intentions were pure.
  • You know, it occurs to yer old pal Jerky that he should probably just suggest to anybody reading this for a thorough rundown of current events that they subscribe to the New York Times' daily briefing. It does a much better job than I could ever do, and it's even got recipes.
A DEEPER DIVE
  • Don't hold your breath waiting to find out what Trump says he knows that others don't about the Russian hacking scandal. Spokesmen are already walking back his promise to reveal more by "Tuesday or Wednesday."
  • Canadians, check this out. It seems the average Canadian CEO earns more by January 3rd than the average Canadian worker earns for the entire remaining year. That's how far we've wandered down the road to greed-induced civilizational collapse.
SUGGESTED READINGS

1. Today, you should take the time to learn about Tyrus Wong, Chinese-American artist responsible for the iconic look of Disney's Bambi, who recently died at the age of 106.

2. I dunno about you guys, but these experimental brain implants they're working on to increase (and potentially digitize) human memories seem a tad invasive to me. I don't think I'll be among the early adopters this time, thanks.

3. Here's a Cracked.com video, the first part of a series looking at some of the "overlooked deaths" of 2016!


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Well, I think Lincoln succeeded for numerous reasons. He was a man who was of great intelligence, which most presidents would be. But he was a man of great intelligence, but he was also a man that did something that was a very vital thing to do at that time. Ten years before or 20 years before, what he was doing would never have even been thought possible. So he did something that was a very important thing to do, and especially at that time."

Donald Fucking Trump tries and fails to answer a simple question about Abraham Lincoln, posed by Bob Woodward, of Watergate infamy.

DDD EXTRAS
THE TAKEAWAY

I think I need to rethink this "Executive Summary" thing. I'd like to work on more substantial projects for my sites, but prepping the ExecSum has been taking up all my time. We'll see how things go. But regardless, you should sign up for the NYT daily briefing. It really is quite good.