IF THE PMO RAN THE CBC...

As the most ideologically pure small-c conservative ever to reside at 24 Sussex, there is one thing about which we can be absolutely certain when it comes to our nation’s Prime Minister, Stephen Harper: he hates the CBC. He despises it with a deep and abiding malice, viewing it as a socialist-infiltrated cesspit of secular humanism, a seething hive of nepotistic cronies, almost wholly without merit, delivering a service that would be better left to private sector entrepreneurs like SUN Media to provide. It’s just the way his brain is wired. And when you reinforce this inborn predisposition with years of Clockwork Orange style indoctrination at some of the hemisphere’s most reactionary think tanks, it’s almost like it isn't even really his fault.

Unfortunately for Dear Leader, one of the only things most Canadians agree on is that they want him to keep his greasy mitts off the CBC. In every poll, and by every metric, our national broadcaster continues to be one of the most popular federal agencies going, from sea to sea to sea. Although this political reality has forced the PM to keep a tight lid on his true feelings, he does occasionally slip up. For instance, he could barely contain his glee this week when it was announced that the loss of this NHL season could cost the CBC $130 million in ad revenues.

So, public displays of schadenfreude and stealth budget cuts notwithstanding, the bottom line for now is that the CBC isn't going anywhere. Of course, that doesn't mean it’s in the clear. For instance, what if Prime Minister Harper were to suddenly shed his predilections, override all those years of brainwashing and come to the shattering realization that he’d be in a far better position to spread the Good News of conservative dogma to every corner of this great country… from deep INSIDE the Mothership?! What would a typical, average day of CBC programming look like if that were to happen, I wonder?

I think it would look a little something like this…

Read New PMO-Approved CBC Schedule HERE!